A Common Issue Leaders Face
I once coached a CEO when one of their VPs interrupted to ask what colour the boss wanted the office painted.
The CEO offered their opinion and then refocused on our conversation. I responded, “Do you really feel that picking out paint colours is a wise use of your mental energy as CEO?” Their counter was, “I don’t stop to think about it much. If someone asks me for my opinion, then I give it to them.”
Oh, the double-edged sword of leadership. Senior leaders must become exceptionally good at making decisions with limited data and be comfortable just making the call. Overusing this style can create a check-in culture where the team becomes overly reliant on the boss’s opinion and hesitates to move without consultation.
In this scenario, the boss has ultimate ownership, and so does the blame should something go wrong. For example, if someone does not like the office’s paint colour, the VP will surely say, “Well, the CEO picked it.”
To ensure that you provide the appropriate level of advice without being a crutch I encourage leaders to think of coaching like volleying a beach ball.
Giving Advice without being a Crutch
Leaders are so skilled at getting things done and offering advice that they don’t often stop to consider whether they should be offering it in the first place.
Leaders who are quick to offer an opinion inadvertently encourage a culture of co-dependency. If you find yourself frustrated by your team’s hesitancy to make a decision on their own, I would encourage you to reflect on how your current approach might be rewarding this type of behaviour.
I liken coaching to volleying a beach ball. In volleyball, you can pass the ball three times on your side until you must punt it over the net. This is the same with coaching your direct report, as you have up to three times to volley back the topic or problem to them before you just need to make the call.
If you never volley and just punt the ball every time you get it, then your team is just watching the game and not participating in it. The other extreme is that you volley it to them too many times and lose a point or possession.
The rule here is THREE, and the beach ball is the problem that your direct report is bringing to you.
Applying the Rule of Three
Consider the volleyball to be an ask for your advice or opinion, ie “What paint colour should the walls in the office be.” The first volley should be, “What are you looking for from me?” This likely will come with “I just wanted to check in to see your thoughts on this.” A response could be, “This decision is in your confident hands, so I will leave it with you to make the call.” Another option would be, “What are your thoughts, do you have two you are choosing from that you seek input from the entire office?”
The key takeaway here is to avoid being advice-happy and to be more thoughtful and reflective about when to offer your opinion and advice.
Key Takeaways
- Reflect on your current team dynamics. Do you have a check-in culture?
- How do you feel your natural approach is rewarding this pattern of behaviour?
- On average, how many volleys do you do in a conversation before you offer your opinion?
- Practice your volleyball this week and experiment with volleying back the problem/ask at least one more time than you typically would.
- In the longer term, practice shifting this to 3 volleys on average.
